The Struggle

Okay guys…if you’ve been reading this for any length of time (or even if you simply scan our titles), you are aware that we are two crossfit athletes scaling our way through crossfit and have been doing so for close to three years.

For me, here is a recap of all the moves I don’t currently have in my crossfit arsenal: double unders (these were close before my calf injury), toes-to-bar, pull-ups, chest to bar, muscle-ups, rope climbs, box jumps (I HAD these until the box tried to eat me), hand stand pushups, handstand walk, pistols, PROPER GHD situps. Here is a list of moves that I still struggle with and really need to work on mobility/cardio: Olympic lifts, burpees, the blasted Assault bike, running, over head squats, v-ups, wall-climbs. Here is a list of moves that I either really like, or feel at least proficient in doing: dead lift, bench press, back and front squats, push press, strict press, Ski-erg, wall ball and thrusters.

I’m sure there are others that we do semi-regularly that could go on these various lists. The point of this isn’t to highlight all the things I can’t do, but to move into how I end up feeling when the WODs include several moves that I really struggle with.

This week, we had a WOD that was 40 Toes-to Bar, 10 wall climbs, 20 T2B, 8 wall climbs, 10 T2B and 6 wall climbs. This was followed by accessory work (single arm bench press, banded triceps pull downs and flutter kicks). I KNEW going into this workout that it would be rough. I don’t have T2B and wall climbs rank up there as one of my least favorite movements. I feel as if I get far more exhausted than I should get doing them, and my inability to breathe doing them only makes that worse, I’m sure.  But when I saw the workout, I thought to myself, “Well, I will really try and hopefully come close to getting ONE, just ONE.”

Three tries in, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. My hands (even chalked and wrapped) were slipping off the bar, I stopped trusting myself to even hold myself up there. I tried knees to elbow. Nope. So knee raises it was. I tried doing several in a row and lacked the ability to even control my legs and ended up basically feeling as if I was just swinging my legs wildly, slipping off the bar. The sets of 20 and 10 were worse because I was fatigued. But I was SO FRUSTRATED with my inability even to control knee raises! This frustration grew worse and worse and worse. So much so that 10 minutes in, I was ready to walk out of the gym. This feeling of wanting to quit hadn’t happened in nearly 2 years and was contributing even more to my frustrations. I didn’t walk out. I finished (badly) the workout, slower than everyone else, but I finished.

This frustration led me to questioning the accessory work. I KNOW the bench press is a strength of mine, but I lowered the weights anyhow. I didn’t push myself. That only added to what I was feeling; crossfit is supposed to be about pushing yourself. I mean, I understand that some days you just aren’t on point and other days you are on fire. This isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m taking about the conscious decision to not do a harder weight, not because of injury, not because of working on form (I did that today with the snatches so I could concentrate on trying to keep good form and my breathing), but because I was angry, frustrated with myself and riding the mental struggle bus.

Later, I posted that I really wanted to walk out of the gym on Facebook. Another member posted that I worked through it and folks look up to me as an athlete. What I WANTED to say was “you all should look up to someone who can actually DO crossfit”. I didn’t because the coaches would see and I would get burpess for having a negative attitude. But it was very hard to me to see why someone, anyone, would look up to me, especially at that very moment in time.

I’ve spoken about this to one of the coaches. Apparently I embody the spirit of crossfit: keeping coming back, going in even if I know the WOD will stuck, going in even if I know I can’t do the moves, if I have to scale everything. Going in even with injuries, cheering, encouraging and  embracing the community that has developed in the gym. I know we are supposed to be practicing having more positive attitude (PMA), but I simply cannot be all PMA 24-7. I know that little things will get in the way; they always have; this is just me. I bet all of us get frustrated at things from time to time. It’s part of being human. For me, it’s definitely part of the struggle of lack of confidence.

I might have upset a coach or two for thinking of walking out. I might have upset an athlete or two for it as well. I probably upset a few for voicing the thoughts. But here’s the thing about me, you can knock me down; I can knock myself down, but I showed up the next day and actually felt good about the workout (even with injury modifications). So I might have WANTED to quit, but I didn’t. I overcame the mental issues.

Conclusion? Push through. Show up the next day and the next. Do what you can do, when you can do it. One bad workout can’t define you.

Meal Prep Sunday

Plan the Work, Work the Plan.

So, after 4 weeks of no CrossFit and generally feeling lousy (thanks, bronchitis); I decided last week it was time to get back into meal planning and preparation.  Though I didn’t fall completely off the Macro Train, I certainly wasn’t putting the time and effort into planning what I was eating….which wasn’t as big of a deal as it normally is when I’m working out consistently.

I thought today (and maybe next Sunday), I’ll just share my plan to the week and how I’m prepping.  Maybe I’ll even keep myself a bit accountable by doing a review for the week (at the end of the week, of course).  Overall, my first week last week went well until Friday night which is generally what happens anyway but…no excuses!  This Friday will be better 🙂

Where to start?  After working with a dietitian last spring, I determined that my daily calorie goal is 1400 calories (I’m working towards losing a bit of weight, so this is deficit for me).  My daily macro goals are: Carbs 157, Protein 88, Fat 47.

My new job as an interesting quirk that I am on the road during lunch time.  This means unlikely access to a microwave.  Thus, I started planning with my lunches this week because of all the meals, the options will be most limited.  After lunch, I moved onto dinner and made sure to include my Plated meals on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Breakfasts were last.  So here’s what I came up with (macro totals provided by My Fitness Pal app or myfitnesspal.com).

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:

Breakfast: Peanut Butter Chocolate Overnight Oats – C46, P15, F5. (http://www.itscheatdayeveryday.com/pb-chocolate-chip-overnight-oats/) and a clementine orange – C13, P1, F0

Lunch: Cold Sesame Soba Noodles and Broccolini and Mushrooms – C55, P72, F15 (http://fitmencook.com/5-easy-cold-lunch-meals/).  That includes 6oz of chicken, not sure if I’ll really eat that much…seems like a lot.

Dinner: Slow Cooker Honey Lime Ginger Pork – 21, P30, F7 (http://therecipecritic.com/2016/02/slow-cooker-honey-lime-ginger-pork/), Brussels Sprouts – C5, P4, F0, and Applesauce – C12, P0, F0.

Daily Total: C154g, P123g, F28g = 1369 calories.

If I do CrossFit tomorrow, I may add in a small snack somewhere in the day.  Probably a Nature Valley Protein Granola Bar or 2 (190 cals for 2).

Tuesday, Thursday

Breakfast: Protein Shake (1c almond milk, 1c frozen mixed berries, 1 scoop protein powder, 1/4c oats) – C28 P22 F4.5

Lunch: Mason Jar Taco Salad (2oz ground beef, 1c lettuce, 0.25c corn, 0.5c black beans, 0.5c quinoa, 0.25c cherry tomatoes, greek yogurt dressing) – C55, P29, F23

Dinner: Plated – Pine Nut Crusted Salmon – C44, P44, F-52 <– I will be using less oil than the recipe calls for, so this will be lower.

So, that’s my plan for the week.  Hope you enjoyed!  I’ve never tried any of these recipes before so hopefully they turn out well!

 

Non-Scale Victories

nonscale victories

This was posted to my box’s Boot Camp page on Facebook and it got me thinking, which has me writing!

I’m the first to admit, I will probably not be in any “before/after” transformation pictures since basically I am the same weight as the day I stepped into the box (my pants are 2 sizes smaller) and I don’t really think I look different in pictures I see. Don’t get me wrong, people have noticed that I look different and carry myself differently, so I know changes are happening, but when I see pictures of myself, I still see a fat, old lady, one who perhaps has no business being in a gym at all, much less a crossfit box.

{Now coaches, before you go and give me a billion burpees for sounding negative, please keep reading!!}

Are there moves I still don’t have down? Yep. There is a reason this blog is called Scaled to Perfection. My crossfit partner in crime and perpetual “in my head” sista (I swear we are one brain, separated by 20 years), have struggled with so many things for the years we have been doing crossfit. If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you know what they are, but if you are new, let me inform you of all the things I (well..perhaps we) still need to achieve, much less master: double unders, pull-ups, rope climbs, chest-to-bar, toes-to-bar, hand stand push ups, most things with the GHD, and box jumps (I had them, then the box tried to kill me so my brain refuses to let me do them again). My clean and jerk form, while improved, is a work in progress and  the snatch? Ugh… Ugly is a good word. Burpees about kill me and anything cardio is a long trip on the struggle bus.

This makes it sound like I can’t do anything at all, which isn’t true. The powerlifting moves are ones I love. I don’t mind thrusters, wall balls, the ski-erg, rowing, and kettlebells. I love all the accessory work we do! And I’m fairly certain that not one of the coaches would say that I give up, no matter how much I’m struggling, no matter how dead last I am and I will often go ahead an finish a workout, even if we’ve been time-capped, because…well…I’m not a quitter. That part has changed in me; I used to stop at the time cap, but I prefer to finish (if I won’t be in the way of the next class, or my taking a few more minutes means I won’t be late to work). I’m a firm believer in the crossfit attitude of cheering for everyone and that the last person to finish is just as, if not more, important than the first person. I LOVE to cheer on my fellow athletes when I get the chance. This is one of the things I love best about The Open. Except for your own heat, you get to watch and cheer everyone else, keeping them motivated if needed. I never thought that was a real thing, until it was happening to me and people really believed it.

Do you see a trend here? I do. If it has to do with brute strength, I’m all over that. If it requires grace and/or coordination, I struggle. I’m slowly getting better at all of these things and I have no shame in continuing to work on them, even as frustrating as it can be at times. I think back to high school and college sports and the positions I played: keeper in soccer, bench warmer in basketball, catcher in softball and shot-put in track. Those positions don’t really require coordination. You can just fling your body around without fear and that often gets the job done. The gymnastics move require something I’ve never really had the opportunity to train for, work on or even think about in my daily life. My parents didn’t send me to ballet or gymnastics (I would have told them no anyhow), so I never worked on those things and now I’m finding that I really need those things and old brains are apparently slower to learn than younger brains!

Back to non-scale victories! I’m a LOT stronger. I don’t give up easily (which can also have its downsides – hello calf muscle; I’m looking at you). My shirts are smaller; my pants are smaller. I can do the things the coach’s ask of me, especially scaled. I have enough confidence in my abilities that showing some of the newer athletes a move or two doesn’t worry me.

I’ve met so many wonderful people, many of whom have become dear friends. I participate in our #socialcommittee events as often as possible and have done some things that I never thought I would do, such as not 1, but 2 5k runs.

I’m fascinated by the programming and would love to know more about the inner workings of our head programmer’s mind when he puts the workouts together. And as I’ve been told to stay off this dang calf, all my workouts lately have been very modified and that has also been incredible to watch. It only increases my resolve to eventually save enough for my CF1, not because I want to change my life and start coaching, but because I want to know ALL THE THINGS, and the more data, knowledge, and information I have, the happier my brain is.

So as you progress through your journey, remember that there are many victories you will encounter along the way. Some will be more weight on the bar. Some may be getting a move that you didn’t have previously. Some may be taking time off your 500m row. Some may be as ‘simple’ as showing up every day, drinking the amount of water you know you need. You could drop clothing sizes; participate in a competition, partner with someone stronger/faster than you to push yourself; partner with someone slower/less strong than you to help them along. Relish all the little things because often the ‘I can’t’ permeates the day. Believe me, I know this from a LOT of personal experience over the years; I’m a pessimist at heart. But here and there, now and then, a glimmer of positivity shows up. And THAT is a non-scale victory I can get behind.

Post Open Thoughts

So…The Open didn’t quite go as planned. I was hoping to Rx more workouts and if a repeat was in the schedule (which has happened for several years now), I was hoping to do better. None of these things happened. And while I feel I have let a lot of people down (mostly myself), in reality this likely isn’t the case.

I am still dealing with this dang, blasted calf injury, and my coach told me he wasn’t letting me do 17.5. Here’s the thing, I was about 98% of the way to this decision on my own, so when he told me, I really wasn’t upset. Correction, I was upset for about 0.15 seconds; but, in reality, I knew it would be the best thing. Seriously, rowing was problematic the week before; one of the other coaches watched me back squat and noticed my body mechanics were off because of the pain. I have no one to blame but myself for this injury and for it lasting so long. Back in December during a workout with the dreaded double unders, I did the first 100 with few issues. But I was struggling with the second 100 and when I got to 150, the cramps moved from pulled muscles into what I could feel was rapidly moving into serious injury and rather than take the blow to my ego and simply stop the workout, I stubbornly (stupidly) kept going and followed that up with thrusters. I literally could not walk for 2 days. The coaches modified workouts for me and the instant I would feel even slightly better, it was ‘balls to the wall’ again, and right back to being injured.

Well…that has gotten me nowhere. I didn’t complete The Open; I didn’t do as well as I’d wanted. And I have only myself to blame. I’m okay with this realization, but now is the time for me to (finally) listen to the coaches, modify workouts for several weeks and go see the deep tissue massage therapist regularly.  I need to get healthy again so that I can start working on those gainz and goalz from the beginning of the year.

One final thought, I have to recognize that I’m not 20; I’m not thirty; I’m not even 40. Thus my age may mean that I need to ramp down the intensity a little bit. That doesn’t mean stopping; that doesn’t mean not going for PR’s and faster times. That means recognizing when I need to take a break; it means recognizing when I need to stop a workout. It might mean scaling something in order to stay healthy. Mentally, I will need to come to grips with this because I still have all those goalz to attain. It just might take me a bit longer to get there since I’m not just fighting a lack of coordination and grace, but time.

Slow progress is still progress, right?

17.5 Worries

Oh lovely. Double Unders. My crossfit nemesis. (well…if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you are aware that I have many crossfit nemeses…) But especially since I have a lower leg “thing”, mostly in my shins.

Thrusters? Okay…I might be nuts, but I’m one of the few people who kinda LIKES thrusters. And the weight is totally doable. We’ve been practicing in class doing reps unbroken for a lot of things, so for at least the first couple of rounds, I will shoot for doing them unbroken.

But double unders? Ok…I can do them a few at a time, generally with a lot of singles that won’t count. So do I scale this and just do singles?  That seems a cop out for me, since I am so close. Plus it’s 350 total and that is a large number….I know for a fact that this injury will kill me. ugh…

On top of this, I’m in the recovery phase from a cold, so I have basically one shot, probably on Monday morning. Though that does give me a few more days to rest my leg, since I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. Though that will also probably work against me; I haven’t  been to the gym since Monday!

Oh I am so torn here. But in the end, who needs to walk afterwards?

Post 17.3 Ramblings

Well….17.3 didn’t quite go as planned. I had really hoped to at least get to the second set of 4 minutes and the 65 pound snatch. Nope. I was 4 reps shy. I’m not sure what happened.

I felt I was moving pretty well. I don’t really have the full squat snatch under control (read: I can’t do this move yet), so I did the snatch and then the overhead squat. I know separating the two movements is what slowed me down, but it slowed me down more than I anticipated. I’m fairly certain that my habit of resetting after each snatch/squat also slowed me down.

I broke up the jumping pull-ups into two groups each round and maybe I shouldn’t have done that, at least during the first three rounds.

Honestly, I think resetting after each snatch would be the key for me. I need to learn to cycle the bar faster, particularly at the lighter weights. I need to learn to drop under the bar in the full squat, again especially at the lighter weights, but this is something I’ve never done before and I’m not certain an Open workout is the time, nor the place to work on something brand new and something so technical at that.

During the second set of the first round, I could feel my calf cramping up. The squats hurt; the jumping hurt; the walking between movements hurt, but I’m stubborn, perhaps stupidly so. I kept moving. The end result of this was when I was time-capped, I collapsed in agony, incapable of stretching my leg, or even moving my foot. My wonderful coach used the incredible rubber tape stuff and wrapped it tightly. Then she used the bar to roll it (another athlete subbed in when she had to get back to coaching). Even now, hours later, it hurts, though it’s not cramping. I really should go see the massage therapist…

Even still, I’m tempted to try again on Monday. Four moves. FOUR. What is the worse that happens? I don’t get as far and bruise my ego? I’m used to that. I get further? That’s my goal, so fantastic? I end up with another cramp? I’m also getting used to that. I will take a few days to ponder these options, see how I feel on Monday and then, maybe, just maybe go for it again.

17.2 Jitters

Dear crossfit, a pull-up, while obviously a scaled version of a muscle up, is not really a scaled move. I predict that many athletes will get a score of 78. That would be 2 rounds of 10 lunges, 16 knee raises, 8 cleans. Then a third round of 10 lunges and 5-8 minutes of wild leg swinging in an effort to get their first pull-up.

To be fair, there will be a lot of athletes who will not only get their first,  but follow that with others. So if the rationale here was to get those who are close to use the added adrenalin that comes with The Open to push themselves, then job well done, I guess. I did watch a couple of athletes at the reveal get their first muscle up, so why not have a bunch of folks getting their first pull-up? Push us outside our comfort zone.

But there will be a good group of folks (and I’m includeding myself here) for whom the pull-up is an elusive beast, akin to Sasquatch. Oft described, oft written about, occasionally “photographed”, but in reality, a myth.

Does this mean I’m going to spend my entire crossfit existence denying the existence of Sasquatch? No. I’m more than happy to get involved in the hunt; I want a picture too, damn it. But I’m so far from it right now. I seem to be missing the “pull-up” wiring in my brain, at least this is my fear.

One way around this would be to give us scaled athletes a couple of minutes to try and then give us a band. The reps won’t count toward the score, but we could get get a good workout in and it’s (slightly) less mentally defeating than 8 minutes of trying with limited progress. Seriously… earlier in the week, I needed the black AND the blue band for strict pull-ups, so I’m a billion light years from getting a real one. And a score of 78 really isn’t very thrilling. It’s mortifying….

My coach told me ages ago, that I wasn’t allowed to learn kipping pull-ups until I could do strict ones. I admit this has frustrated me over the past two years as I see a lot of athletes that don’t have strict doing kipping. But it didn’t take a lot of time on the internet to learn that kipping pull-ups, without the base strength for strict, could produce shoulder injuries. So I fully understand his logic.

Now, do I try, or do I just use the band …. sigh …. sometimes I dislike crossfit for the mental games it plays with me.